The Risk of Staying in Your Circle
This week, I found myself holding space at Kingsholm Stadium for over 200 people in Gloucestershire—leaders, champions, networkers—all coming together with a shared mission. In just 45 minutes, we transformed into a tight-knit, interconnected group. It was one of those moments where things just clicked. A shift took place, and it felt like the kind of realisation you can’t unsee.
Here’s how it all unfolded.
The Three Spheres: Control, Influence, and Concern
We started talking about something pretty simple, but it hit me in a new way: the idea of the three spheres.
The first is the Sphere of Control. This is the stuff we can directly impact—mainly, ourselves. As leaders at all levels, it’s easy to feel like we control everything around us, but in reality, the only thing we can truly control is ourselves. Once we get that, it’s like a weight lifts. We stop worrying about what we can't change and focus on how we show up.
Then there’s the Sphere of Influence—everything we can affect, but not directly control. This is where most of us spend a lot of time: trying to build relationships, work with colleagues, and influence systems. It’s about using our trust and credibility to make change happen—without feeling the need to have direct control.
Finally, we talked about the Sphere of Concern. This is the big one, filled with all the things we care about but can’t do anything about. Whether it’s issues in the wider world, systems we can’t reach, or inequalities we can’t immediately solve, focusing too much energy here doesn’t help us make progress. It was a reminder that sometimes we need to acknowledge what we can't control and focus on what we can influence instead.
The Power of Networks
As humans, we’re all deeply connected to one another. It’s in our nature, and it shapes how we make decisions and experience the world. This connection isn’t just a byproduct of life—it’s the very thing that makes change possible. When we work together in networks, we can achieve things that no single person can do alone.
In discussions about behaviour change—whether it’s improving physical activity or shifting workplace culture—one thing became clear: it’s not just about convincing people to act differently. Real change happens when we create the right conditions for new choices to feel possible, meaningful, and supported. This is where our networks, our relationships, come into play. The environment we build together has a huge impact on how long-lasting and sustainable the change will be.
The Risk of Homophily: Connecting with People Like Us
Here’s where things started to feel a little more vulnerable. There’s this natural tendency we all have to surround ourselves with people who are like us—people who share our values, our background, our perspectives. This is called homophily, and while it feels comfortable, it can also be a trap.
In the context of place-based work or community initiatives, it’s easy to get stuck in a circle of like-minded individuals. But when we only network with people who think like we do, we risk missing out on vital perspectives. We miss out on the experiences of others—especially those from different sectors or communities, whose lived experiences might be very different from our own.
This is where it’s really important to think about diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI). To truly understand the systems and issues we’re trying to change, we have to make an effort to engage with people whose lives and challenges we might not fully understand. Connecting with people outside our usual circles allows us to break down barriers and see the bigger picture.
Influence Ripples Through Networks: The 3 Degrees Rule
Here’s something I find fascinating: our actions, words, and influence ripple through our networks, sometimes without us even realising it. Research shows that the influence of our actions can extend up to three degrees—meaning, you can affect not only your direct connections, but also the people they’re connected to, and the people they’re connected to.
So, when we make connections, we’re not just influencing the person we’re talking to. We’re influencing their friends, their family, and even their wider community. It’s this kind of ripple effect that makes networks so powerful. If we’re connected to everyone by six degrees of separation and influencing up to three degrees, we’re reaching halfway to the entire world!
Getting More Connected: It’s About Listening and Sharing
The real question, though: is how do we get more connected? It’s surprisingly simple: start by introducing yourself to someone new. Listen to their story. Really listen. Then listen again. It’s about making those small, genuine connections with no agenda. No need to push an idea or share a business card—just connect.
For those of us in positions where we’re guiding others, there’s something to be said for identifying the Champions, Emerging Leaders, and Networkers in our circles. These are the people who can help move things forward, whether they have the deep connections or the expertise to make it happen. It’s about strengthening relationships and empowering those who can lead by example.
And it’s not just about the few people at the top. Communicating openly with everyone who wants to get involved is key. The more people who feel included and part of the process, the stronger and more sustainable the change becomes.
Conclusion: It’s About Real Connection
What I walked away with from this experience was again a deeper appreciation for the importance of connection. As leaders, we’re not just here to influence or control—we’re here to build relationships. And those relationships have the power to shape the future.
If we want to create real, lasting change, it’s not enough to just stick with what’s familiar. We need to make an effort to reach out, listen, and understand the diverse experiences of those around us. In doing so, we’ll be creating networks that aren’t just strong—they’re capable of transforming systems, sectors, and communities.
So, next time you find yourself in a room full of people, ask yourself: who haven’t I spoken to yet? The connections you make today might just change the world tomorrow.
My sources from today:
Christakis, N. A., & Fowler, J. H. (2009). Connected: The surprising power of our social networks and how they shape our lives. Hachette UK.
https://humannaturelab.net/book/connected
Jeppe Vilstrup Hansgaard/ https://www.innovisor.com/now-what-books/
Cialdini, R. B. (2003). Influence. Influence At Work.
Goldstein, N. J., Martin, S. J., & Cialdini, R. (2008). Yes!: 50 scientifically proven ways to be persuasive. Simon and Schuster.
